Yes, it was one of those usual quarantine days ! I got up even before the alarm went off , heard birds chirping outside and it was the dawn with string of light seeping through the windows.
Quarantine days has made my routine quiet mechanical and regimental. Got dressed in my gym clothes for some home work out , switched on " Gayatri Mantra " for some mental calmness and started with the usual schedule. Head was still heavy as I was watching movie till late the night before.
The phone buzzed and I checked immediately out of habit. The text read "Irrfan Khan passed away". I looked at it again and then immediately went on the news site to verify the news- as if I was not ready to accept or believe that it actually happened. Even the website had the same headline ! I texted back with sad emojis and exchanged few lines with friends. I looked at Projjal who was all dressed up for his video conferencing and sitting in the office preparing for the meeting. I wanted to go and tell him but stopped myself thinking it would be better if he concentrates on his work.
I resumed my work out with a heavy heart, consoling my mind that he was not well and this was inevitable. I could barely manage to work out for five minutes and went back to my phone again to check the news. I was choking every time I read the memoirs which started coming for him from his family and friends. I often find myself reacting slowly to any situation- happy or sad. It takes few moments and even hours to process any situation and react on the same. This situation was no different. I resumed my work out again and barely after five minutes I found myself staring the wall and feeling extreme sadness. The sadness of similar kind which one feels after they have lost someone very close to them.
I started to rationalise my sadness thinking that it stems out of being in isolated situation for a long time . I thought ,maybe I am feeling sad because any news in current COVID situation is amplified and one is only expecting sadness around. How can a celeb death fill my heart with sadness ? After all neither I met him ever or even saw him briefly anywhere. The day went by reading the news and trying to rationalise the mind about fragility of life.
The next day was no different- usual time of waking up and getting dressed to work out. Same old "Gayatri Mantra" for the calmness of mind. The phone buzzed again and read news of another celeb passing away. And this is where the usual pattern of the last day ends . I was not feeling anything. I just felt sad on reading the news and I was over it . WOW ! It was that eureka moment for me which made me think. Both the personalities were well known , I had seen several movies of both of them , read their interviews , tweets , instagram feeds and paraphernalia -still going of one ,was more painful than the other- WHY ?
Whenever I looked at Irrfan performing on screen and the roles which he essayed ,were very relatable for me. I watched " The Namesake" in 2006 and found him brilliant in it . His portrayal of a vulnerable father , trying to guide his son and adjust in a foreign land as first generation immigrant was something I had not seen actors of that decade doing it . His performance was very subtle , effortless and natural. It touched a chord and it has been more than 14 years of watching that film , but I still remember the scene where he spoke to his wife for the last time . I connected with the character and felt the same sadness when he passes away in the movie.
Post Namesake , I became fan of his acting and mostly watched all his movies. Life in a metro , Haider , 7 Khoon Maaf , New York ,Slumdog Millionaire , Life of Pi , Hindi Medium to name a few.
I watched Piku in 2015 and and found the movie extremely engaging due to various reasons. Character of AB reminded me of my father-in-law every time I saw him on screen. I have rarely seen such uncanny characterisation and resemblance of mannerism with a person I know closely. Piku portrayed by Deepika was depiction of feminism in its most truest form. She does not shy away from taking responsibilities of her father , managing home , knowing her mind and what she wants from her life. And then there was Irrfan - owner of a taxi company -managing clients and his dysfunctional family. His played the role as if he owned it. Having spent few years in Delhi, it was very difficult to imagine that he was just playing a character- as it was near perfect .
After watching the movie , I did feel that he was on the top of his game and there is no looking back for him now.
Kaarwaan released in 2018 and came to know about his diagnosis around same time. I could not gather the courage to watch the movie as I knew I would feel miserable to see him on screen, while knowing that he is fighting a rare disease in his real life.
I kept a tab on his recovery through the news and was extremely thankful to God when I heard that he has resumed shooting for English Medium. I felt as if ,it was a personal victory .
I finally decided to watch Kaarwaan on 28th April -2020. It was highly recommended by friends and decided to give it a shot. Such is the irony of life - got up the very next day with the news of him passing away .
He lived for 53 years but touched lives of millions of people through his movies. Such is the power of cinema that it can immortalise people and keep their essence alive. The one thing, I found common in all the memoirs was the connection people felt with him while he performed on the screen. We all are here with an expiry date and its worthwhile to touch lives of people through work or deeds.
Signing off with the quote of his famous movie "Life of Pi"
“Life will defend itself no matter how small it is.”
―
A Fan of IrrFAN .
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