I must have been 4-5 years old. But I still remember this chanachur wala who used to come to my lane everyday to sell this small triangular packets for 25p each. Yes I do belong to that era where 25 p was also required to make a living.
Life has really changed for me in last 35 years . I was living in Muzaffarpur, Bihar that time which was no less than any other town on this earth in my mind. My world was thriving there with great set of friends , school and not so great neighbourhood. Our house was just opposite to the house of the DON of the city -Chotan Shukla. When I watch the movies like Gangs of Wassepur today , its not very difficult for me to relate to the fear of living around them. Yet, everything was normal and I was least bothered about their presence.
We had no malls at that time and weekly recreation was going to savour street food like pav bhaji and a very famous chat house on my dad's bike sitting in the front with wind blowing straight on my face. Simpler times and simple joys of life.
Coming back to the chanachur wala - an old fragile man , who used to come every evening to sell in our lane. He became part of our lives and I looked forward to him coming everyday to buy few packets in the evening. he had a particular way of calling in his very signature tune. I still remember it vividly.
I was an overenthusiastic child and often volunteered to bring things from these vendors by taking few coins from my mother.My brother was younger to me and he was around 1.5 years old that time and thus could not accompany me. I felt a sense of responsibility in handling the money and felt all grown up on buying things from them.
It was summer afternoon and we heard him coming to our lane. I ran to my mom and asked her to give me some coins so that I can rush to him before other people can gather .
Life has really changed for me in last 35 years . I was living in Muzaffarpur, Bihar that time which was no less than any other town on this earth in my mind. My world was thriving there with great set of friends , school and not so great neighbourhood. Our house was just opposite to the house of the DON of the city -Chotan Shukla. When I watch the movies like Gangs of Wassepur today , its not very difficult for me to relate to the fear of living around them. Yet, everything was normal and I was least bothered about their presence.
We had no malls at that time and weekly recreation was going to savour street food like pav bhaji and a very famous chat house on my dad's bike sitting in the front with wind blowing straight on my face. Simpler times and simple joys of life.
Coming back to the chanachur wala - an old fragile man , who used to come every evening to sell in our lane. He became part of our lives and I looked forward to him coming everyday to buy few packets in the evening. he had a particular way of calling in his very signature tune. I still remember it vividly.
I was an overenthusiastic child and often volunteered to bring things from these vendors by taking few coins from my mother.My brother was younger to me and he was around 1.5 years old that time and thus could not accompany me. I felt a sense of responsibility in handling the money and felt all grown up on buying things from them.
It was summer afternoon and we heard him coming to our lane. I ran to my mom and asked her to give me some coins so that I can rush to him before other people can gather .
She gave me four coins of 25p each and asked me to get 4 packets. I ran with all my vigour and tripped over the steps. All the 4 coins from my hand splattered around. Fear of my mom and shock engulfed me. I frantically started looking for the coins all around and managed to find 3 coins. One was still missing and inspite of trying hard , I could not find it .
I gave up! The enthusiasm with which I was running to him got dampened and slowly I dragged myself to him and handed over the three coins. He gave me three packets and I came back home with it . On the way back, I was thinking what would I tell my mother? How could I lose the precious coins? I was overwhelmed with fear of getting scolded and being irresponsible.
I went up slowly and handed over the packets to her without looking at her directly to avoid any eye contact. She was surprised and mentioned that he has given less for the more amount. Then she stated that, looking at the child, he has cheated and we would not be taking things from him further.
My heart became heavy . I very well knew it was none of his fault and yet I had no courage to tell the truth. It has been rightly said that one can fool the world but very difficult to fool oneself. The greatest burden one can have, is to lie to yourself.
Next day, I heard him again near our house. He stood there for a long time thinking I would be there soon. I looked at my mom but she was sure of not buying from him. He came everyday and stood in front of our house for a month or so and then understood that we would not be buying from him, so the duration of his wait decreased.
All I needed was the courage to admit my mistake and tell the truth. I remained in the constant guilt for nearly 2-3 months.
One fine day, I decided to face my fear. I mustered all the courage and went up to my mother. I told her the entire sequence and expected great reaction from her . she replied “ oh you should have told me before , take some coins and get some chanachur.”
What !!! That’s it . The guilt, fear, shame I was in for last 2-3 months, vanished in just two seconds. Why did I not decide to tell her earlier?
The demons in our head is sometimes much bigger and heavier than the reality. It was a lesson for life and I can easily say that , I behaved insanely only on occasions when the heart was touched ! Someone has rightly said “Nothing in the world can trouble you as much as your own thoughts”!
